Two More Funny Notes On Vegas

This picture is pretty darn funny.

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Second, I got a complete stranger to say, "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!" I walked by a craps table (unfortunate name) and stopped to ask if people actually say, "Mama needs a new pair of shoes" when they throw dice. The dealer smiled and nodded. A player volunteered to say, "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!" On his next roll he said, "Baby needs a new pair of shoes!" I don't think he won, but he didn't lose. Lady luck is fickle. First few days I cleaned up and spent my winnings. Last few days I fed the machines $45. In the end, casinos paid for my drinks, a meal for two that included a pitcher of margaritas at Baja Miguel's, and a head shot for my business cards and website. Viva Las Vegas.

Souveniers from Monday night's banquet.

My little friend from the Shark Reef Aqaurium at Mandelay Bay.

Fountains at Bellagio.

Volcano eruption at the Mirage.

Chilling out with Hef.

The Rock, he is as hard as he looks.

Self portrait on our last day in Vegas.

Las Vegas Stories

As I wait for a shuttle to the airport I'm thinking about my funny Vegas memories.

My friend Bernie hasn't flown since 9/11 and was anxious about going through a security checkpoint for the first time. After his bags passed through the x-ray machine a homeland security officer reached into Bernie's bag and withdrew a screwdriver. Unaware it had been in his bag Bernie held up his hands and instructed the officer to please dispose of it. The terror in his eyes must have reassured the agent Bernie wasn't a threat. He measured the tool and returned it to Bernie's bag.

On Tuesday when I was attending my conference, Bernie relaxed at the condo. He treated himself to a soak in the jacuzzi tub. Neither of us were aware maid service would be offered mid-week. Both he and our Spanish-speaking maid surprised one another.

The Vegas strip and casinos are full of time-share pushers. In order to qualify for promotional gifts, couples need to attend a high-pressure sales presentation and be either married or share the same address. Most were speechless when informed we were neither married or co-habitating. The best reaction was, "Well, if you're going to do it, do it right! What happens in Vegas...."

Attending a conference at the Las Vegas Hilton I was treated to amazing meals. Twice I took pictures of gorgeous desserts with my phone and texted them to Dave back home. Today we went to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Bernie snapped a suggestive photo of me and adult film star Jenna Jamison. Most of our photos taken with the statues look eerily real. The picture I texted Dave was very convincing. When we spoke later, he asked me who that woman was. When I told him it was Jenna Jamison he got very excited and asked where I'd met her.

I return home in the morning and with the exception of me and Jenna, will post my vacation photos.

Sin City My Ass!

I was at the Las Vegas Hilton looking at a display of our products when a gentleman in his 60's, an employee of the casino, approached me looking rather shocked. "Excuse me miss, are those what I think they are? I smiled, nodded and told him, "Yes."

"Is this a porn convention?"

"No, we sell sensual products to women." He smiled, nodded and walked away befuddled.

Later that evening I saw one of the security officers in the product display room and I asked, "I'll bet you've seen quite a lot in this job." He replied, "Not until today! My kids are going to get a kick out of this."

With a reputation and the nickname Sin City, you'd think it would take a lot more to shock the locals than a few dildos and vibrators!

Las Vegas Euphoria

When I walked off the plane there was a crowd of people waiting to board their next flight, it was very hard to resist the impulse to throw my arms up and announce, "I'm Here!"

More to follow, just got here and am smoked. I'm going up to my suite to soak in the jacuzzi tub!

Me And My Grampy

My Uncle passed on this polaroid of me with my grandfather. I can't be more than six months old and Grampy in his 40's. I think he looks a little like Bing Crosby in this picture.

Family Get Away

We Deweys returned from a five night get away to a condo in New Hampshire. I have family nearby who were happy to spoil our kids while Dave and I enjoyed a meal out. That's my Uncle Buster with sleeping Mae. If you were to stop by our house during the day, this is how she would be dressed. It's bizarre she tolerates pajamas at night and begrudgingly consents to wearing clothing in public. Once the sun comes up and she is in her own home we can't keep a stitch on her.

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We went to a cool museum for kids that offered simple exhibits to inspire curiosity and creativity. This is one of my favorite clips.

Twisted Humor

This morning the electrician working on our house arranged for the power company to upgrade our lines. When the electrician arrived, Mae had just woken up and Dave was sleeping. He asked if the truck could be moved to make room for the power company. I tossed him the keys as I got Mae dressed and prepared her breakfast.

A few minutes later, I looked outside and saw the look on the poor guy's face as the truck rolled backward down a steep hill. Thankfully, a metal post stopped the truck from continuing on into the stream. He was understandably rattled. When he finally made it into the house, he found me doubled over laughing. "Did you see that?" I realized asking if he was alright would be the responsible thing to do. It took work but I managed to wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks and control my laughter enough to inquire about his condition. He said, "That woke me up and I haven't had my two cups of coffee yet!" Later, when I loaded the Deweykids into the van he asked, "Would you like me to valet park your van Mam?" I'm glad we share the same sense of humor.