Many Topics At Year's End

Beauty

Looking through our west-facing-windows, I see several grades in the landscape with many tree lines. Just now I took our new dog out and the tiniest snowflakes were falling. The fading sun created a magical glow. The snow looked like different colors of smoke drifting through rows of bare-limbed trees. We passed a stream that was full and rushing a few days ago when temperatures were in the 50's. In contrast, today it is 6 degrees and there are thick icicles clinging to the rocks. Through a new layer of ice we heard rushing water.


Painful

I handed over a check for $2000 today. This is a small portion of what our new septic will cost.


Did Your Siblings Get Their Asses Kicked?

This morning I was checking my e-mail when Mae tapped me on the arm and said, "Help." She was soaking wet. I sprinted to the living room and saw Sam with a glass of water and an evil grin. This afternoon I caught sight of Sam air born just before he landed on our dog Jack. The poor dog growled and relocated. Today I have spoken the following more than once, "Get off your sister!..Hands to yourself!...No one likes hands in their face!... Let's start over (when he's sassed me) I will ask you again..." Dave and I are only children. We hope we're doing the right thing. We have friends with horror stories like a sister who tried to poison the new arrival; an older sibling who bounced a baby jumper against a door frame with her in it (may have been the same family-Debbie Stevens?). I thought about these stories this afternoon when I was feeling helpless and frustrated. I realize this behavior is not new, it's been happening as long as families have been forming. What I'd like to know is, would your brother/sister have gotten their ass kicked for Sam Dewey's behavior today?

He Calls It Like He Sees It

Yesterday, after speaking with my friend Anna http://www.mylifewithlucas.blogspot.com/ , Sam and I had a conversation about money management.

"Sam, I just talked with Lucas's Mommy and she said Lucas has his own money and buys things in stores all by himself. You are a big boy and you're smart, maybe we should start doing that."

Sam's response, "Not me, I'm too crazy."

I asked him to repeat himself so I could be sure that's what he said. Yep, that's what he said.

Lordy, Lordy Look Who's 40!

Double D is 40 today! For years our birthday ritual has been a meal out and private time together. Predictions for heavy snowfall encouraged dining in tonight. Thankfully, I had a chance to zip to the store before the snow turned heavy. Plan B is Surf and Turf and an early bedtime for the Dewey children.

Those Where The Days?

Now that Sam is a student in the public school system, Dave and I feel nostalgia for our early school years. Our conversation began by recollecting the cigarette smoke wafting into the corridor from the teacher's lounge. I remember my fifth grade teacher smoking in the classroom when we were outside for recess. One of Dave's teachers would light up after the bell rang as her students exited the classroom. When I was in High School, we actually had a designated smoking area for students.

Dave and I agree the following story takes the cake. When I was in elementary school, the classroom for kids with special needs was across the street. Every day the class would come to the elementary school cafeteria for lunch. The general student population sat at tables placed against the walls. There was one table in the center of the room where Special Education students sat. Whenever someone got in trouble, the punishment was to sit at the center table with the special ed students. I wonder when they stopped doing that. Jeez, I hope they stopped doing that. I don't know for sure because this was back in New Hampshire. Hmm. I'll have to post a follow up on this one.

Whatever

I went to the grocery store this afternoon and parked in a snow covered lot near the cart return corral. Apparently I misjudged the standard parking spot marker because someone placed this note under my windshield wiper. Thankfully, I'm no longer in a place where this would trouble me. I feel pity for the fellow. This person (lacking a dictionary and possessing bad grammar) chose to waste energy being negative about something so trivial during this season of giving. Whatever.

Silent Night

Meike!

Tazor and Meike

Introducing our newest four legged family member, Meike. She is much cuter than this picture, more flattering photos will be published later. Yes, I have heard many a Public Service Announcement cautioning families not to adopt a new pet during the holidays. It is difficult to describe what lead us to this moment. It was like knowing the mail will be delivered tomorrow. I knew another dog was coming.

Meike's last family felt they weren't able to give her attention they'd felt she needed. She had lived with them for two years after practically falling into their laps. When Meike was a puppy, approximately 5 months old she wandered onto a busy road during morning commuter traffic. She was skinny and wore a collar with no tags. Not wanting to see this dog hit, the couple shooed her off the road and tried continuing on to work. Unaware Meike had run back to their truck, they accidentally ran over her. Feeling terrible, they brought her to a veterinary hospital and then home with them to convalesce. The rest of her story is now just begining.

Processing Loss

My composure of the past few weeks has been a puzzle to me. I attributed my comfortable acceptance of Murdoch's death to knowing how hard it had become to be him. I'd shed many tears over the past three years whenever I'd thought about the inevitable. When the day came I took comfort knowing we did right by him. It was one of the hardest things to do, but undoubtedly we did right by him.

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Tonight I watched this picture pass through our screen saver and fell apart. When I look at this I see his tolerance for allowing Mae to place a tiara on his head. I see his cloudy eyes and the skin tag that had developed over his left eyelid. He is licking peanut butter off a spoon with one of his medications tucked inside. I see his white snout and his old man nose. I remember every inch of his body. I miss touching him, and I miss feeling his eyes follow me wherever I'd go.

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I am glad he is no longer inhibited by an aging body. I take comfort imagining Murdoch and Kilo racing down the back hill together trying to be first to jump into the stream. I know I will never get over this loss, but hopefully someday will learn to live with it.

Thanksgiving 2008

This is Cutie Pie. I snapped 15 pictures yesterday, she was the subject in 11 of them.

Cutie Pie is the smallest domestic animal to grace our home. She's a member of the DeFreitas family who joined us in celebrating all we have to be thankful for.

It was a great holiday for us. I spent weeks planing and preparing the feast. We enjoyed a wonderful meal, good friends and the premiere of Storytellers, Kid Rock on VH1. I owe our guests an apology for my repeated comments about lame audience members, "Look at her/him! Show some appreciation for the Kid! That should have been me!"

I vowed to spend today on our couch. We watched movies, ate leftovers and did as little as possible. I think I'm onto a new Dewey family tradition.

Moments To Be Thankful For

With Sam in my life there are days I feel exasperated and exhausted. I also have many moments to cherish. Mae and Dave stepped out for an hour or so this afternoon. I took Sam out to look at deer tracks in the snow. We speculated about where the deer had come from, what they were doing in our backyard and where they went after their visit. When we were outside, he found his Tonka truck and wanted to bring it inside. The truck was covered with snow. I told him we should put it on a towel next to the wood stove to melt all the snow off. When inside, he discovered tossing small bits of snow on the woodstove makes a cool hissing sound and then the snow evaporates. I brought more snow in for him and he said, "Mama, I'm soooo happy to have snow to throw at the stove." I don't know why, but it melted my heart.

Responding to Change

Yesterday and today I've been aware of the empty pasture outside our window. I find it disorienting especially with Murdoch's recent passing. I told Dave how looking at the pasture makes me feel. He told me he hasn't noticed the pasture, he notices the empty dog bed by the wood stove. When I think of Murdoch I feel love more than loss. I do miss him awful. However, I'd been preparing myself for the day when it became too hard to be Murdoch. It was extremely difficult to let go, but when I put a hand on my heart I feel him there and know we did right by him.

The Week of Many Changes

We said goodbye to Muroch.

Peanut was placed with a family south of Middlebury.

The girls are now living in Franklin with a menagerie of beloved farm animals.

Sam turned five.

This morning Sam and Mae observed Jenny admiring birds at our new feeder.

Murdoch

November 1995 -November 2008

Without a Doubt, The Best Friend I've Ever Had

Murdoch is still with us, his hind-end weakness has escalated and is affecting his quality of life. The condition is not painful to him. Thankfully he continues to receive pleasure from loving attention and food. For months, Dave and I have accepted it is hard to be Murdoch. Today was a signal that told us a time for doing the right thing is eminent.

1997

Murdoch at 2 years old

Our first Autumn together

Fall 1998

Murdoch was Kilo's first trainer

The month Murdoch turned 8, Sam was born. I loved Murdoch even more when he accepted infant Sam's need for me. Murdoch would park himself close-by whenever I nursed, always on duty.

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There is one more treatment that might buy us a week or two. The effectiveness would be evident within a day. We will try it tomorrow and if he doesn't respond to it, we will do right by him.

Unconditional Love

We adopted Murdoch from a rescue group when he was 18months old. The above photo was taken at Ricker Pond State Park in 2001. This month, he is 13-years-old. Dogs his size often do not reach their 13th birthday. Dave and I witness his hind end strength weaken daily. This evening Sam and I had a tearful conversation. I told him Murdoch is old and weak, like my Grammy was. Every day we should be super nice and tell him how much we love him. I feel the day he cannot support himself with dignity is near. I'm so scared. I don't want him to suffer, at the same time I don't want to say goodbye sooner than I have to.

Open for Business

One thing I've always wanted was a feeder for bird watching. With no trees near the barn we don't have a good spot for it. Years ago we had feeders in the apple tree that died and had to be cut down. I wonder if woodpeckers had something to do with it? Yesterday Dave made me this wonderful feeding station. We can see it from the kitchen and our livingroom. Woodpeckers can peck all they want, they are beautiful to watch along with blue jays, finches, cardinals, rose-throated grossbeaks, chicadees, you name it we love to watch it.

Tazor, Murdoch, Jack

My Favorite Holiday

One of my favorite memories as a child was trick or treating with my Mom and Grammy. I had a leopard costume that had been made by my Grandmother Edith. Wearing it made me feel proud. There is something magical about trick or treating, spooky decorations, the smell of burning pumpkin and seeing a street filled with children in costume.

My Grandmother Edith taught me how to sew. I made a promise to myself that my kids would always have a fabulous costume made by me for Halloween. I imagine some day they will take it for granted. I also believe there will be a time in their adult lives when they remember me spending days at my sewing machine, shooing them away and cursing through pins sticking out of my mouth. When they bring their kids trick or treating and see spooky decorations, smell burning pumpkin, and look down a street filled with costumed children I hope they are reminded of me and remember how much I love them.

Catching Up

Woke up to snow last Tuesday

Sam brought in a bucket of snow to share with Mae

Sleeping Beauty

In the Words of Songwriter Louden Wainright III

"A brother needs a sister to watch what he can do

to protect and to torture to boss around it's true

but a brother will defend her for a sister's love is pure

because she thinks he's wonderful when he is not so sure"

Love Hurts

The heart was ripped from my chest today as I realized the depth of our son's sensitivity. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Imporium was on HBO family this afternoon. I missed an early scene in the film that made an enormous impression on Sam. He kept saying, "I want to be that monkey's friend. He needs a friend Mommy! I want to go to that toy store now." I said, "Honey, when I was a little kid I wanted a monkey too! Sweetheart, this movie is about a make believe world." Sam pleaded, "I want to go to that world now, please mommy!" An hour of conversation about this monkey went by before I realized the monkey's situation. Sam was clearly distraught and near tears so we snuggled under a blanket to watch the rest of the movie. The monkey was a sock doll with a very sad face who desperately wanted someone to love him. The monkey kept reaching out to customers with both arms only to be passed by. After each rejection, the monkey sadly returned to his post. Sam's big eyes were rimmed with tears as we watched the rest of the movie. Even after the monkey found a friend, Sam remained emotional about the monkey.
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After the movie I called two local toy stores to see if they carried the sock monkey, no luck. Amazon.com had a set inspired by the movie with the monkey and a book for $80. I then went to ebay and found the same set for $35. Phew. Sam's birthday is coming up, it'll be a struggle for me to keep the monkey under wraps until then.

So Sad

I was not selected for the taping of Storytellers. It's probably for the best because the cost would have exceeded our means. Still, I'd be there with no regrets if the opportunity had presented itself.

Home Sweet Home

Here are our children after traveling over 500 miles in two days. Today the four of us and Tazor spent over 6 hours in the van. Clearly, Mae is crazed. Strangely, Sam is peaceful and calm. This moment represents a drastic change in character when compared to 24hrs ago. Yesterday at this time Mae was sweet and cooperative as the two of us shopped at Target. Meanwhile, Sam was busy commandeering a golf cart for his own personal joy ride.

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We Deweys went to Connecticut for the dedication of a Boy Scout hall for the troop Dave grew up with. The hall is a beautiful log building with an enormous stone fireplace situated on 20 wooded acres. The amount of work and community support involved to create this unique facility is impressive. Two golf carts were on loan for giving tours of the property. When Dave and Sam were on the tour, Sam was given a chance to drive the cart for a moment. I remember being a little kid being allowed to steer my Grampy's boat. It was scary and exciting at the same time. To our son it was exciting, but his passengers felt the fear. Sam's big eyes and maniacal laughter accompanied his foot flooring the gas pedal. When I saw him after the tour he burst into a room full of people exclaiming, "Hey Guys! We just go really fast!"

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After the ceremony Dave and Sam stayed behind to help clean up while Mae and I went shopping at Target. The golf carts were lined up waiting to be loaded on a truck when Sam disappeared. The story goes, he ran for the carts, climbed in and took off. Once again, eyes huge and laughing manically he sped along in the cart. Witnesses state he navigated around large rocks and parked cars while being chased on foot by adults trying to gain control of the vehicle. The joyride ended when he drove into the front of the scout hall. The cart got stuck under the deck and six people were required to liberate it. Thankfully no one was hurt and the golf cart suffered only minor scratches. The Dewey family has been involved with this scout troop for decades. Yesterday afternoon, the third generation of Deweys made their mark in the troop's history books before actually joining the organization.

"That's Crazy!"

When our little girl finds something that tickles her fancy, she makes the most of it.

We bought the glasses a week ago and she is rarely seen without them.

I dressed her in a new-to-us jacket this morning. After looking down at herself, she smiled, and did a happy, foot-stomping dance. She's been wearing it most of the day. In fact, she got very angry when I tried to take it off.

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A few nights ago I read a bedtime story that Sam checked out from the school library. They quietly listened until I got to the part where a raccoon says, "That's crazy." I'm not sure why, but Mae thought that was hilarious. The next morning at the terrible hour of 6am, I awoke to her little voice coming from the next room. "That's crazy! (laugh, laugh, laugh), That's crazy!" As much as I detest being woken up that early, I had to smile.

Wish Me Luck!!!!!

As an offical member of the Kid Rock Fan club, I was offered an opportunity to attend a VH1 taping of Kid Rock on Storytellers. The event is two weeks from now in Nashville. We are terribly broke, but I sent an application anyway. It's not like I'd be traveling to a different time zone or anything. As much as Dave hopes I'm not invited, I know he will support me if I am.

Post Iron Dog Tranquility

Today was another successful Green Mountain Iron Dog competition. I'm so proud of Dave for organizing this event. This was Dave's fifth year and the event's second year on the grounds of a gorgeous summer camp that is closed for the season. Not only is it a wonderful place to spend the day, the facility can accommodate spectators wanting to observe teams on the course.

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View of Lake Champlain from the camp's dining hall

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After clean up, Police K-9 handlers and their families enjoy the lake

Mae Dewey

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Leashes lost during the water crossing portion of the competition

I Think Our Son Wants To Be David Lee Roth When He Grows Up

Tonight after laying down his head, it quickly popped up and I heard, "I want to be music. I want to play guitar and be rock and roll!" I responded, "Cool buddy! Chicks dig that!" With a smile, his head nestled back into the pillow. Once again, he popped up and said, "When I grow up, I want to be the ice cream truck driver. I'll give ice cream to all my friends!" Wanting to support his dreams I said, "Awesome! Everyone is excited to see the ice cream truck, you would make people so happy!" Sam expanded on this wonderful idea with, "My truck will play "Duh Duh Da, Duh Duh Da Da, Duh Duh Da, Dah Dum." For those who do not recognize it, Smoke On the Water, by Deep Purple. "My truck will be the rock and roll ice cream truck!" The first thing to enter my mind: "I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. All my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy, yeah." I think David Lee Roth was still with Van Halen when that came out.

Random

Good friends, Jack, Mae, Murdoch.

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The Large Animal Veterinarian just examined the goat and does not feel x-rays are necessary. Whew! I've been sick all day wondering how that would impact our bleak financial situation.
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I think Spongebob Squarepants Cheez-It crackers taste better than plain square ones.

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Random.

36 hours

Here I am, two hours after declaring I'm spent and ready for bed. I took Jack out one last time. He surprised me by breaking free to chase after something. I dove for the leash in time to share retaliation from a skunk. If I look like a mess in this picture, I am a mess. I'm a smelly, soaking wet mess. I've begun at the end of my story and will return to the beginning.

Yesterday, as Dave and I packed up our children to join friends for lunch, we noticed the goat was out again. We weren't happy about, but it didn't worry us because he stays close to the llamas. Just before leaving, Dave took Tazor out one more time. I heard Dave scream, "Tazor No! Tazor Come!" Tazor bit the goat. The poor goat hasn't put weight on it since. The large animal vet wants to take an x-ray, something we cannot afford but need to make it work because it's the right thing to do.

Sunday, the next morning, we were out of toilet tissue, dog biscuits, dog food, eggs, sugar, bread, wine, etc. I braced myself to shop with Sam, it's exhausting. Every isle I remind him to stay visable, don't interfere with people at work or doing their shopping. Often I need to say "People don't want to buy meat (cheese, fruit, fish) with your thumbprint, hands to yourself!" As I waited in the checkout line with a full cart, I made it clear he was to stay seated by the door. I looked away for a second and poof, gone. I found Sam outside after several minutes of search and panic. I'm sure my verbal reprimand made everyone's blood turn cold. I didn't cry until Dave got home hours later. I appoligize for passing judgement on people who leash their children. For years I've avoided outings where I'm outnumbered because I've refused to leash him. I'll be getting one now with Sam Dewey's name on it.

I now return to the end of my story. I friggin stink. After two baths, Jack is tolerable. Maybe my next 36 hours won't suck this much.

"Ee I, Ee I, Oh"

Recently when having to reprimand Mae for unacceptable behavior, her response has been, "Ee I, Ee I, Oh." For Example:

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"Mae, do not dump the dog water!"

Smiling, "Ee I, Ee I, Oh."

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"Mae, stop licking the woodstove-yuk!"

Smiling, "Ee I, Ee I, Oh."

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I've started saying, "Ee I, Ee I, Oh, my ass! I know how cute you are, but some things are not acceptable!"

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Wish me luck with this one, it's not easy stifling a chuckle when faced with Ee I, Ee I, Oh. Damn.

Turning a Corner

Our house selling drama sent me to the pool of depression these past few days. When starting this journey it was reasonable to expect we could walk away owing nothing on the barn and own the Fairfax land free and clear. We planned to build a log home in the woods. We lined up a contractor, paid for a septic design, decided on the log home package and bought building plans. A power easement was arranged and estimates were done by the power company. We even contacted the telephone company for a phone number. Once the barn sold we thought we'd make a few calls and say, "Go!"

Since putting Deweybarn on the market sad details have emerged. The septic failed and needs replacing ($15,000-20,000). The back north corner that we knew needed reinforcement brought a repair estimate of $30,000-50,000. Apparently both front and back walls are leaning (after spending over $10,000 less than 10 years ago to replace the entire front foundation and improve drainage). Presented with these very discouraging developments, we then factor in a change in the housing market. We have tried rolling with it by adjusting our budget and looking at pre-fab homes. Both of us conceded living on that lovely, wooded parcel of land was worth adjusting our original plan.

A few suggestions brought up recently have pulled me out of the depression pool and into a defensive position. My Uncle Buster summarized it well, "You've got a '57 Chevy with a lot of work invested restoring it. It's waiting for the right person to finish it off." Meanwhile, the last two perspective buyers have been interested in building a separate home on the property. One considered the barn for location of a business, planning to build a residence on the western hillside. I find that acceptable, but he viewed the barn over two weeks ago and still no offer. Disrespect for the barn's cool factor puts me in a defensive position, I feel like Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, "No barn for you!"

Presently, I'm working on Dave to put both properties for sale and letting fate decide. Well, fate and my loyalty to the barn. Insulting offers or disrespectful plans equal: "No barn for you!"

Delightful Family Visit

Having family spend the weekend meant the world to us. My Uncle Buster, his partner Sharon, our cousin Jake and his friend Dillon came for the weekend. I don't know if we've ever felt completely free to share our children's energy with anyone before. Dave had to leave for work after they'd been here two hours. He called me less than five minutes into his commute and said, "Can they move up here?"

Sunday morning it felt like I was holding back a bull. Sam Dewey was determined to invade the guest room. "Where are my cousins? Is Uncle Buster up yet? I saw Sharon! They're awake!" I wanted to start breakfast, instead I acted as a barricade to protect our guests from a tornado of Sam energy.

After serving breakfast, I was treated to having my children taken on a long walk. I handed over the bug spray and went back up to bed for a heavenly mid-morning snooze.


We joined our family for a Ben and Jerry's factory tour. This is Sam and Sharon in the deceased flavor cemetery.

Here is Sam being a ham as his cousin's Jake and Dillon pose by their favorite retired flavors.

Uncle Buster and baby Mae enjoying the playground at the Ben and Jerry factory.

Last Day At The Swimming Hole

The week after Labor Day brought temperatures in the 80's. We decided summer's final moments were best spent at the swimming hole. Constantly moving water made visable blocks of clay that had been sifted through the sandy river bottom. Our children enjoyed having their bodies decorated with wet clay. I imagined tribes of long ago similarly decorating their bodies for spiritual rituals.

Making It Count-A Night Out and A Kid Rock Concert!

I love being a mom. Dave and I share the exhaustion of raising little ones. We also share the enjoyment that little ones have brought to our lives. That being said, Damn! Last night I had an amazing time taking a break from it all!

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Our friend Kris (also a mom) and I left yesterday morning for Hartford, CT. We were armed with a hotel reservation, two tickets to the Kid Rock/Lynyrd Skynyrd show and fixin's for a pitcher of tasty, raspberry-lime margaritas!

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We arrived at the hotel to a party in the parking lot. Each tailgate we passed blared Kid Rock tunes, people were drinking, dancing and getting worked up for the show. Kris and I couldn't stop smiling and asking ourselves, "How friggin' cool is this?"

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An hour before showtime we filled our little plastic cups, socialized in the parking lot with another group from Vermont, then began our ten minute walk to the venue.

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Inside the gate was another party. There were food vendors, alcohol vendors and fans like us getting geared up for the show. We joined the party, got a bite to eat, drank beer and used the bathroom at least three times. We didn't want to miss any of the show once it began.

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Seeing Lynyrd Skynyrd perform "Sweet Home Alabama", "Free Bird", and "Gimme Three Steps" is a privilege I will never forget. Seeing Kid Rock perform anything always leaves me speechless. He is my Rock N Roll Jesus. I haven't been such a fan of anyone since I was seven and in love with Donny Osmond.

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I could keep gushing about what a fabulous time we had. However, I don't wish to bore my readers or embarrass my husband. Thank you Double D for supporting occasional excursions for me to make the most of!

County Fair 2008, A Magical Place For The Dewey Family

Sam and "Yucas". Sam loves his buddy Lucas. He loves making him laugh and loves getting a rise out of him. That's what I consider a good friend.

Whenever we passed the merry-go-round, Mae made happy sounds, kicked her feet and rocked her whole body. I remember feeling the same way when I was little.

On the Ferris wheel Sam exclaimed, "I can see the whole city!" We decided to bring them in the evening because the fair is dazzling at night. They were both asleep and drooling before we reached home. Dave loves it when that happens. He told me it makes him happy to know we've shown them such a good time that their little bodies are spent. Seeing the world through their eyes reminds me of magic that can be found at a county fair.