On Our Walk

"Sam isn't the big, blue sky beautiful?"
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"Yes Mommy, it's like the sea."
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I was then treated to a rendition of Spongebob Squarepants theme song. Profound observation inspired by television.

Spilled Milk

"Don't cry over spilled milk." I believe in not sweating small stuff, keeping the big picture in perspective, etc. On the other hand, a loosely capped 16oz soda dumping into the contents of my loaded purse can be the last straw in context of my last 48hrs.

During my time with Grammy the week before last, we laughed, I held her hand, combed her hair, rubbed her back, helped with personal care, advocated for her, and said goodbye. I send pictures and phone at least every other day. During our phone conversation last Wednesday she asked if I was coming back. I hadn't planned to, but responded, "Of course Grammy. How about Friday?"

Thursday morning I briefly stepped out of an operating room, leaving my Mae anesthetized. She needed replacement of Eustachian tubes (ear tubes) as one had fallen out and there was fluid behind her ear drum. It was weird leaving her vulnerable in that huge, sterile room. I stepped out and checked my voicemail. Or realtor phoned, he wanted to show the house Friday at 3pm. Not bad, the sign was put out Monday. Cool!

I phoned Grammy that evening to tell her we would come Saturday because of the showing. I found her to be terribly distressed. When I left last week she had been transferred to hospice care and would remain in her hospital room. Thursday afternoon she was informed her condition had stabilized. Arrangements needed to be made for transfer to a nursing facility or home with 24hr care. A meeting was scheduled Friday at 3pm initiate the process.

After a 3hr drive Mae, Sam and I checked into a hotel near Grammy's hospital. Knowing I might be tempted to drive home late with precious cargo, it was best to commit for the night. I had arranged childcare during the meeting, but wanted to visit Grammy beforehand. At the hospital, a few feet from the van Sam took a digger and scrapped his knee. Poor guy fell apart. After briefly visiting with Grammy, I needed to get going with them if I was to participate in this meeting without distraction. As we passed the office of the nurse coordinating the meeting, I stopped in to introduce Sam and Mae. Sam slipped, hit his head on the door frame. Poor guy fell apart again.

After a difficult and emotional meeting I joined family for dinner. When I arrived, Sam snuggled up to me. He felt awful hot and his ears were red. I had nothing with me so we went out in 5pm traffic on a Friday to find a pharmacy.

When we got back to our hotel, Sam crashed. This was when Mae decided her turn to be challenging. She would not sleep. I understood we were in an unfamiliar place, but I worked her from 9pm-11pm.

Mae woke at 6:15am. I worked her again for another hour, then Sam woke. Sam being up meant, "Stop that! We can't afford to by another TV, don't move that one around!" "Stay away from the door!" Sadly, in this room Sam could reach the door lock. "Honey, that nice woman we met yesterday works hard to keep these rooms clean. Do not make her job harder by crushing crackers into the carpet." I quickly abandoned my dream of taking a hot shower as they watched the Disney Channel. I'm sure Sam would have made it to the sugar cereal dispenser at the continental breakfast before I managed to get my hair wet.

We dressed, packed our things and headed for the lobby. All the while I tried keeping on top of Sam, "Honey, if you want to go out for pancakes I need to be able to trust you. Stay where I can see you!" Just when I felt I had him under control, Mae darted off down a long corridor. I was lugging three big bags, one of them being my purse with a loosely caped 16oz diet coke. I caught up with her, scooped her up and went to check out. That is when I realized my right hip was soaked, Mae's shirt was wet and my soda had dumped in my purse. Spilled milk? Spilled Soda? Motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Official

The barn will be featured on http://www.bluesprucerealty.com/ as a new listing. I haven't checked today, it may already be listed!

Emotional

Last Friday was the dedication of the Vermont Police K-9 Hall of Fame. Dave and Tazor are kneeling left side, front row. Kilo and Dave were recognized, Kilo of course posthumously. This incredible event returned us to our early stages of grieving. On Saturday Dave said, "I'm so drained, I feel like he died just yesterday." That night I watched the 11pm news to learn another inductee died on the way home from the event. Tom Radford and his partner Stoney are pictured in the center. This monument was born from Tom's idea and hard work. Tom presided as the Master of Ceremonies. He introduced all the honored teams with great respect and emotion. When he and Stoney were honored, Dave read their accolades as Stoney proudly stood by his master's side. We share their loss and send our love to the Radford family.

After leaving the dedication ceremony, I cried all the way to New Hampshire to be by my Grammy's hospital bed.

This topic will have it's own post. To summarize, I've made four round trips in the past week and spent the night once. She's 90 and has a cancerous tumor the size of a grapefruit. My Grammy is tired and doesn't want to suffer. I don't want her to suffer. I will surely miss her for she has always been the person to unconditionally love and accept me from day one.

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I cried all the way to New Hampshire feeling the loss of one, then cried all the way home feeling the impending loss of another.

Our Four Year Old Son Was Sent To the Principal's Office Today!

His preschool teacher felt terrible when she phoned Dave, "Dave, I hate to tell you this, but I had to send Sam to the Principal's office today." He was hitting and being aggressive with his friends. The first feeling is that we failed him somehow. We then worried about how frightening being sent to the Principal's office would be for him, but part of us wanted him to be frightened. He needs to acknowledge is actions have consequences.

That bugger! Every day he alternates between testing us and amazing us. Thank goodness for school and bedtime.

Laugh or Cry?

This morning I awoke to the smell of Avon plumeria-scented body spray. Unfortunately it was being sprayed in my face by a giggling four year old.

Not One Of My Finer Moments

Today I set in to motion not one of my brightest ideas. I'd just gotten home from a mad dash to the grocery store before Dave needed to leave for work. Shopping is much quicker and easier without children. As Dave got ready, I unloaded groceries and sought a diversion for our children besides television or computer games. Coloring or Play dough hasn't been received with enthusiasm lately so I brought out painting supplies.

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Sam exclaimed, "Look Mommy! Blue, red and yellow make this color!" He looked like he was wearing a pair of latex gloves up to the middle of his forearm. Whatever, fine...until, "I'm done! Don't worry I can clean up." In the 30 seconds it took for me to reach the bathroom, the sink was full of purple water and there was spatter everywhere. I needed to climb onto a step stool to clean some of it off. After stripping him down and loading him into the shower, I phoned Dave (who was on his way to work by now) to share the details of my blunder. After telling him I'd emptied out all soaps and shampoos before putting Sam in the shower, Dave added, "And razors, you know he'll play with those too." Just then I heard from the shower, "Look what I've got Mommy!"