"Mama, it looks like you naked!"

What is intended to be a hat for a magnetic dress-up princess was re-purposed by Sam this afternoon.

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My blog therapy has been on the back burner for a while. We've been adjusting to hearing that Mae has autism, I've been in physical therapy two to three times a week after the Halloween incident, and (I'm tempted to write yadda, yadda, yadda) life. I am happy to find beauty and humor in our life every day, but some days being the mama is just plain exhausting.

Predetermined

The day was screwed before I could fuck it up for myself. Mae spent the night in our bed because she didn't feel well. The alarm went off at 6:45am, I opened my eyes in time for her hand to land on my eyeball. Blurred vision, pain, and sensitivity to light followed. My doctor's office was nearly booked so I went to an urgent care clinic. There are three scratches on the cornea of my right eye. Damn it, I need medication and a follow up tomorrow. I know it's a long shot, but hopefully the day before Thanksgiving won't be a mad-house at the urgent care clinic...yeah, right.

Leaf Pile at Grandpa and Grandma's House

Six-Year-Old Star Of The Day!

Our boy is six-years-old! We had a fun, simple party at home. It was a gorgeous day with sun streaming through the windows, the sound of children laughing, balloons, yummy cake and a little boy very happy with his new Transformers helmet.

Scary!

All set for a fun evening of trick-or-treating. The rain had stopped and if good weather continued, we'd go see the locally renowned pumpkin glow. Our first stop was our baby sitter's neighborhood. Stepping out of the van onto wet grass I slipped, fell, did a split into a drainage ditch and landed face-down in mud. I'd heard a pop and started dry heaving-scary! Even more horrifying, the ambulance crew raised my muddy pant leg to reveal Sasquatch-length hair on my legs. I freaked and vowed to shave every day from then on. On the way to the hospital, the crew chief tried removing my wet shoes and socks for me. It's been too long since my last pedicure so I swatted him away. Thankfully a family friend was just leaving her shift in the emergency room so she was able to help me with the wet shoe dilemma.

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At the hospital, the ambulance crew rolled me past a group of hospital security officers. I thought I recognized one of them and said, "Hey Cupcake!" They all stared at the crazy mud-covered woman on the stretcher. Apparently, our friend Rick doesn't work there anymore.

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After x-rays it was determined there were no broken bones. Whew! It still hurts when I move the wrong way and I either scream or take deep breaths. Thankfully my spouse has been home to run the show while I convalesce. I am also thankful that the family whose daughter baby sits Sam and Mae took them trick-or-treating while I was being examined at the hospital. I'd have hated for no one to see them in their super-cute costumes that mama made!

I Stand Corrected

This afternoon we were invited to a matinee performance at The Haunted Forest. We were to meet friends for the 1pm performance and they had complimentary tickets for us. When it was time to get ready, I turned a corner and was met with a bit of mischief. Sam has a rocket launcher that is powered by stomping on a pocket of air that goes through a tube which launches the rocket. Today his experiment was to fill it with liquid hand soap. I turned the corner to have a load of liquid, gelatinous hand soap launched at me. At that moment I announced we weren't going to The Haunted Forest because bad behavior does not deserve a reward and I was angry! However, our friends were expecting us and I didn't want to seem unappreciative for the free tickets. Sam gave his most sincere apology and revealed he thought it would be funny. Alright, it was pretty funny.

Spare Change Anyone? Spare Change?

My Husband Rocks!

Dave saw this on the side of a city bus a week before the concert. He rang up a friend who works for the city's public transportation agency and voila!

Sam wanted to pose pretending he was Kid Rock in the picture. He's my little rock star.

Knocked The Wind Out Of My Sails

Fucking head lice.

These last few weeks with my kids in school have been disorienting. I've been rested, getting things done around the house and taking walks with our dogs. It felt good to accomplish things that I'd been neglecting. Yesterday I noticed Mae had a few free loaders on her scalp. I've stripped every bit of bedding, cushion, stuffed animal, curtain, pillow and they are loaded into bags waiting to go to the laundromat. It takes an hour and a half to comb through Mae's head screening for eggs. Damn it.

Blissful

So delightful and surreal to see Kid Rock perform 15 minutes from my house! I'm still in a daze. The show was awesome as always and it was great to see him from my spot up against the barricade. Ahh. Bliss.

Quirky

The one on the left wears her shoes on the opposite feet.

This one can climb the stairs, but can't climb down.

This comes into the house through our bedroom window. She scratches relentlessly at the glass, at any hour of day or night until someone lets her in.

This one eats on the roof.

Tazor (and Dave) on TV September 13th

Dave, Tazor and founding members of Lacey's Fund were interviewed by NECN. The interview will be aired September 13th at 11:30am and 6:30pm. Lacey's Fund raises money to help offset medical expenses for retired police dogs. I can't wait to see it! I sure hope Dave didn't have spinach in his teeth or a booger.

Trash Day

My Young Storyteller

Water Adventures

When temperatures are in the 90's, a cool dip is the best. After the Maple Street pool incident, we are easing Mae into our summer water adventures.

Those specs between the rocks are my kids. We stopped to enjoy this spot along the Saco River in the White Mountain National Forest.

Mae, enjoying a private seaside puddle.

Our three hour tour (A three hour tour) of Portsmouth Harbor and around the Isle of Shoals.

Awww!

Today we made a CD called Sam's Mix. His mix is an eclectic collection of adult and kid music. We must have played it at full volume at least four times. He joined me as I danced in the kitchen to the version of "I Like to Move It" by Will.I.Am. Sam said to me, "Mama, you are beautiful when you dance."

Emergency Bathtime x 2!

This morning Sam and I took three dogs out after their breakfast. After a minor distraction, I refocused to see Tazor peeing on Charky. He's a little guy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I immediately tossed him in the sink for a quick shampoo.
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This afternoon myself and the Deweychildren went on a few errands. We returned home and Mae looked sleepy so I settled her down in the guest room. Sam and I came back from taking dogs out and I heard her happy sounds from inside the house somewhere. After a minute or two Sam shouted, "Mama! Mae's sticking her head in the toilet!!!" Mae ran out the the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth and soaking wet hair. The toothbrush went into the trash. I filled the tub as I mentally composed this post.

She Survived Another Day

Here she is on the deck at Vermont Pub and Brewery waiting for a grilled cheese sandwich. Outwardly, there is no sign of trauma inflicted by her mama from the day before. I knew the Maple Street Pool incident should be blogged, but it took me a few days to prepare, here goes.

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We Deweys went to the Maple street pool Friday afternoon. It's a great pool that has a little kid section and a water slide. We had been there once before two summers ago when Mae was only a few months old. The first thing she said after we paid admission and passed through the gate was, "Water slide!" She enjoyed splashing around for a while before deciding it was time for a trip down the slide. She approached from behind and expected to push to the front of the line. I grabbed her up and brought her back to wait our turn. Finally, we were up and she raced up the stairs. Mae was in my lap, ready to go when we heard the whistle. We were clearly violating something, but from the top of the water slide I couldn't hear a word the lifeguard was saying. I assumed she was telling me two people couldn't go down at once. I thought it was crazy, Mae is three-years-old shouldn't she go down with an adult? Well, if that's how it is they must be ready to catch her. I let her go and ran down the stairs saying, "You better catch her because she can't swim."

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Dave looked up in time to see a little kid come off the slide, flop around in the water and a lifeguard dive in. He thought, "Whoa, that sucks. Hey, that's Mae!"

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We approached the slide from behind and didn't noticed the posted rules stating one must be at least 48 inches tall and a good swimmer to use the slide. Mae is fine. Of course I feel terrible. I hope my kids survive having me for a mom, and I plan to survive being their mom.

A Mama Moment

Thank you Margie Cain for capturing this.

He Completes Me

Some (please forgive the expletive) fucking derelict tried drowing a litter of puppies in the lake, a little girl came to the rescue and managed to save one. He is a 6-8 wk old houndish mix. Sam named him Charky. My heart has wanted a playmate for Jack and they became best buddies instantly. I am content.

I Know, I'm Twisted

We watched a storm roll in last night, each flash of lightening we'd say, "I saw a flash!" The next clip shows the Dewey children respond to a loud clap of thunder. I'm ashamed to say, I watch it over and over and giggle every time.

Summertime And The Livin' Is Easy

The blog slacker is back! Not much to write accept we showed Deweybarn today to a nice family. If interested, they would definately be barn-worthy. It would be a relief to pass on the barn to family who undertands the cool factor.

Say Cheese!

Snapshot

I have memories that are like snapshots I never want to lose. Mae pinches her neck when she is tired. Sam is the first to dance during music time at the library. Mae makes a humming sound as she goes about her business. After I reply to several of Sam's "Hey Mama," with "Yeah babe?" he'll say, "I love you mama."

Sam Dewey, Self Portrait

What a goof.

"Oh! Don't take the camera!" Taken before the reprimand, this is his practice pose.

All of these (and more) were taken while I was distracted by a 5 minute phone call.

Timing Is Everything

Deweybarn is on the market again. We had a showing this morning with a couple who would be a great match for the barn. We are selling without a realtor so we did the showing ourselves. After touring inside Dave took them out to the loft while I stayed in with the kids. I stepped out for a minute to fill the bird feeders and heard a crash. I looked in the window to see the water cooler and a full five-gallon jug broken on the floor. Five gallons of water flowing through the kitchen past the breakfast bar and down through the floor into the basement. I ran down and yanked a towel out of the dryer but realized it was useless. They were coming down the stairs as I closed the door behind me. "I need to explain what is behind this door before you go in." Despite the water cooler incident, the showing went pretty well.

Last weekend our friend Ben took some great barn photos that are posted on his website. www.sonicbloom.org/deweybarn The pictures are untouched and show our baskets of laundry waiting to be put away, junk in the barn and Sam playing in a yard strewn with toys. Real life is pretty wonderful.

Kid Rock!!!!

Will be performing in my town! When I stop weeping with excitement there will be more to follow.

Not A Fan Of Mornings

Thankfully, I'm not woken until 7:40am. I entice Sam to snuggle and watch Playhouse Disney while I slowly gain conciseness.

We are all downstairs by 8am. Mae gets a fresh diaper and I start taking dogs out. This requires more than one trip due to big dogs with personality conflicts.

Back inside, I start my tea and feed the two-leggeds. Sam eats three Eggos (I know I vowed never to serve frozen waffles and to all those who smiled and nodded: you were right). Mae eats one waffle sparsely topped with maple syrup. She manages to squeeze out enough syrup to rub into her hair which she likes to use as a napkin.

I take what I intend to be a moment to catch up with e-mail. Sam insists I give him undivided attention as he tells me knock-knock jokes, Mae crawls all over me, and Meike nudges her snout under my arm.

I fill the bird feeders. Then I feed dogs and mediate their breakfast routine. After they eat I take Meike out. About a hundred yards from our door I see two big black dogs alert on us from our neighbor's driveway. I've seen these rouges on the loose before. They may be perfectly playful, but when confronted with Meike's aggression the situation could turn ugly. I run for the door. It's like running in a pool of water because Meike resists as she watches the big, black strangers. We make it inside, my heartbeat doesn't return to normal for at least 20 minutes.

I'm now calm. Sam is sucked into a new game on pbskids.org and Mae is watching a new Little Einsteins movie on Playhouse Disney. Time for a quick shower, then I hear something hit the window. I look up in time to see something black drop, then another black shadow dive for the ground. Outside my window I see a bird checking on it's partner who is laying on the ground, feet in the air. Oh man! I rush down in my bathrobe, the little guy is still breathing so I scoop him up and place him on the highest beam in the llama shelter, hoping for a full recovery. When I check a few hours later he is gone and I don't see evidence of feline interference. Awesome.

I experience all this living in my first two hours of the day. Chaotic, but much more interesting than a 9-5 job.

"This Is Mad Mommy"

He told me Mad Mommy needs to go to jail. When I asked what Mad Mommy was holding in her hands he said, "Those are your scraggly fingers." It was hard for him to stay mad at me when I wanted a picture of him with Mad Mommy.

Typical, Then Strange

Bringing Sam to school this afternoon I saw an old dog in the road. He didn't seem to have street smarts because he kept wandering in front of cars. You won't find much for traffic on the dirt roads of Westford, but there were a handful of cars not sure what to do about the old guy standing in the road. He wore a collar without tags. I called to him, "Hey Buddy, want to go for a ride?" He jumped right in and started cleaning up food crumbs in the van. After dumping Sam at school I set out to find his owners. Thankfully it took only two stops. His name is Harv and he's half blind. We've scooped up at least four wandering dogs in the years I've lived here. Luckily we've either found the owners or they've found us.

On our way home from Harv's house I saw an average grey squirrel who was missing the bush from his tail! He had a little rat-like tail with no fur. I'm certain it was a squirrel, not a chipmunk. Now what would cause that? At first I wondered if it had been burned off or something, but the rest of him looked alright. Perhaps he has a skin condition or something. If he were someones pet I wonder if he'd be wearing one of those little collars that keep animals from chewing on themselves. Strange.

Mae and Jenny

Jenny must be at least 12 now. Kids love her.

Peepers!

Those were definitely peepers I heard last night! Their song is still faint, but soon it will be deafening. The road is thawing and smells like earth. I see buds forming on the trees. Aaaah.

"Hey Mama! Look!"

Uh oh. Sometimes I expect the worst when I hear those words.

We are in the process of replacing our septic system. Unfortunately (or fortunately if you consult our local Swamp Thing) we have a wetland "resource" located on neighboring properties and on our own. Two days ago, Swamp Thing was here to tag designated wetlands on our land. Yesterday, Sam was playing in the backyard and exclaimed, "Hey Mama! Look!" He held several stakes with pink flags labeled "Wetland."

"Oh Honey! Put all of those flags back exactly where you found them!"

Uh oh.

Two More Funny Notes On Vegas

This picture is pretty darn funny.

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Second, I got a complete stranger to say, "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!" I walked by a craps table (unfortunate name) and stopped to ask if people actually say, "Mama needs a new pair of shoes" when they throw dice. The dealer smiled and nodded. A player volunteered to say, "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!" On his next roll he said, "Baby needs a new pair of shoes!" I don't think he won, but he didn't lose. Lady luck is fickle. First few days I cleaned up and spent my winnings. Last few days I fed the machines $45. In the end, casinos paid for my drinks, a meal for two that included a pitcher of margaritas at Baja Miguel's, and a head shot for my business cards and website. Viva Las Vegas.

Souveniers from Monday night's banquet.

My little friend from the Shark Reef Aqaurium at Mandelay Bay.

Fountains at Bellagio.

Volcano eruption at the Mirage.

Chilling out with Hef.

The Rock, he is as hard as he looks.

Self portrait on our last day in Vegas.

Las Vegas Stories

As I wait for a shuttle to the airport I'm thinking about my funny Vegas memories.

My friend Bernie hasn't flown since 9/11 and was anxious about going through a security checkpoint for the first time. After his bags passed through the x-ray machine a homeland security officer reached into Bernie's bag and withdrew a screwdriver. Unaware it had been in his bag Bernie held up his hands and instructed the officer to please dispose of it. The terror in his eyes must have reassured the agent Bernie wasn't a threat. He measured the tool and returned it to Bernie's bag.

On Tuesday when I was attending my conference, Bernie relaxed at the condo. He treated himself to a soak in the jacuzzi tub. Neither of us were aware maid service would be offered mid-week. Both he and our Spanish-speaking maid surprised one another.

The Vegas strip and casinos are full of time-share pushers. In order to qualify for promotional gifts, couples need to attend a high-pressure sales presentation and be either married or share the same address. Most were speechless when informed we were neither married or co-habitating. The best reaction was, "Well, if you're going to do it, do it right! What happens in Vegas...."

Attending a conference at the Las Vegas Hilton I was treated to amazing meals. Twice I took pictures of gorgeous desserts with my phone and texted them to Dave back home. Today we went to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Bernie snapped a suggestive photo of me and adult film star Jenna Jamison. Most of our photos taken with the statues look eerily real. The picture I texted Dave was very convincing. When we spoke later, he asked me who that woman was. When I told him it was Jenna Jamison he got very excited and asked where I'd met her.

I return home in the morning and with the exception of me and Jenna, will post my vacation photos.

Sin City My Ass!

I was at the Las Vegas Hilton looking at a display of our products when a gentleman in his 60's, an employee of the casino, approached me looking rather shocked. "Excuse me miss, are those what I think they are? I smiled, nodded and told him, "Yes."

"Is this a porn convention?"

"No, we sell sensual products to women." He smiled, nodded and walked away befuddled.

Later that evening I saw one of the security officers in the product display room and I asked, "I'll bet you've seen quite a lot in this job." He replied, "Not until today! My kids are going to get a kick out of this."

With a reputation and the nickname Sin City, you'd think it would take a lot more to shock the locals than a few dildos and vibrators!

Las Vegas Euphoria

When I walked off the plane there was a crowd of people waiting to board their next flight, it was very hard to resist the impulse to throw my arms up and announce, "I'm Here!"

More to follow, just got here and am smoked. I'm going up to my suite to soak in the jacuzzi tub!

Me And My Grampy

My Uncle passed on this polaroid of me with my grandfather. I can't be more than six months old and Grampy in his 40's. I think he looks a little like Bing Crosby in this picture.

Family Get Away

We Deweys returned from a five night get away to a condo in New Hampshire. I have family nearby who were happy to spoil our kids while Dave and I enjoyed a meal out. That's my Uncle Buster with sleeping Mae. If you were to stop by our house during the day, this is how she would be dressed. It's bizarre she tolerates pajamas at night and begrudgingly consents to wearing clothing in public. Once the sun comes up and she is in her own home we can't keep a stitch on her.

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We went to a cool museum for kids that offered simple exhibits to inspire curiosity and creativity. This is one of my favorite clips.

Twisted Humor

This morning the electrician working on our house arranged for the power company to upgrade our lines. When the electrician arrived, Mae had just woken up and Dave was sleeping. He asked if the truck could be moved to make room for the power company. I tossed him the keys as I got Mae dressed and prepared her breakfast.

A few minutes later, I looked outside and saw the look on the poor guy's face as the truck rolled backward down a steep hill. Thankfully, a metal post stopped the truck from continuing on into the stream. He was understandably rattled. When he finally made it into the house, he found me doubled over laughing. "Did you see that?" I realized asking if he was alright would be the responsible thing to do. It took work but I managed to wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks and control my laughter enough to inquire about his condition. He said, "That woke me up and I haven't had my two cups of coffee yet!" Later, when I loaded the Deweykids into the van he asked, "Would you like me to valet park your van Mam?" I'm glad we share the same sense of humor.

Breaking The Rules

The past few days we've had an electrician making improvements to the Deweybarn. We felt it best to vacate because power would be off for several hours. It was me and the Deweykids. Dave was between night shifts and needed sleep.

We started our day with breakfast at JP's Diner. The restaurant has a shelf about 4ft from the ceiling filled with animals and plants posed in a jungle theme. It's perfect for keeping 3 and 5 year old kids occupied. After breakfast we attended an interactive exhibit at the Flemming Museum, then did some shopping. Around noon we went to a Burger King that has a contained, indoor playground. A sign outside the play structure welcomed children 4ft and under. My heart melted as I watched Sam tenderly assist his sister climb steps she couldn't reach on her own.

After a few minutes, "Sam Dewey! How is Mae?"

"She's right here Mama!"

Several minutes later I spotted him, "Sam, where is Mae?" He responded, "She's afraid to go down the slide."

"Please check on her to make sure she's alright!"

"Hey! Anyone seen my sister? Oh! She's here Mama! You need to come get her, she's afraid to go down the slide."

"Honey, I can't come get her, the playground is for little kids. Please help her down."

10 minutes passed. I asked Sam if he could hold her close and take her down the slide with him. He responded, "She's too scared Mama." I asked another parent if adults ever go in after their kids. She personally hadn't, but her mother had gone in once to retrieve their youngest.

Now I can say I have gone into a play structure made for little kids that was full of little kids. It was tight and at one point I got stuck in a tube. When I found Mae she was sweaty, had been crying and was glad to see me. A necessary mission accomplished. Thankfully no one had to go in to extract me.

Mae is Three!

Dora survived

Sam picked out the cake receipe, definately a hit.

She's such a girl.

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Mae loved being the birthday girl. Sam was so excited he told everyone it was Mae's birthday. He was also a handful for Dave and I because he hates sharing the spotlight. As parents, I'd say the day was bittersweet, more sweet than bitter.

Oh Dear, This Could Be A Problem

Mae turns 3 tomorrow. After the kids went to bed we baked a cake and decorated our breakfast table with streamers and a giant Dora balloon. When I came in from taking our dogs out before bedtime, Meike was disturbed by something and started barking. I think it was the balloon that set her off, I hope I am wrong. Sam picked out the Dora balloon and we paid $10 for the damn thing. If Sam didn't know about it and if it hadn't been $10 I'd be tempted to pop it and forget about it. To be continued.....

Typical Morning At The Deweybarn

It's 9am and my kids are still in their pajamas. Our dogs are waiting for breakfast. Playhouse Disney is on the television. Kid toys and dog toys litter the floor. There is a basket of clean laundry sitting on the desk waiting to go upstairs.

This particular morning Sam is wearing a Little Einstiens band aid on his chin. He slipped yesterday and whacked his chin on the floor. There was no blood but he insisted a band aid was necessary. Removing it will be a battle we shall wage tonight before bath. Mae is decked out in a princess gown I brought home from Target this weekend. When I've needed to take off the gown for meals or bath she puts up a royal battle.

I love this 17 second glimpse of an average morning in our lives. Years from now it will be a cherished keepsake.

Working In Healthcare Can Warp How You View The World

When taking walks in the snow I love to discover animal tracks. We see mostly deer tracks and rabbit tracks. I've been observing bunny tracks in our driveway and have a general idea where the entrance to their dwelling is. Tonight, under the crabapple tree I saw bunny tracks, bunny droppings and spot of blood tinged bunny urine. Poor thing! I'm tempted to put out a few carrots laced with antibiotics.

Jack Is Such A Good Dog

At Least He's Funny

I hope the energy he uses to test us exhausts him as much as it does us. Today was rough, but at least we started with a giggle.

Some Things Are Super Cute Only At Home

For a few weeks now, Mae has woken us by climbing into our bed and saying, "Aaarp, I burp, excuse me!" In response, we smile or giggle.

Last night we went to Cody's for dinner. They have four booths in the front of the restaurant that are reserved for parties of four during diner hour. We used to joke that was one more reason to have a second child. When we placed our order, Mae not only performed her burping act for our server, she did it loudly to be sure her joke was heard over the dinner rush. After her second performance I explained some funny things are for home only, not in public. She was so pleased with herself I really hated to burst her bubble.

Early Morning Interaction

Sam: "Hey Mama! I've got Jennie (our cat) covered with pillows and she can't get out." He then runs off into the bathroom.

Me: Aloud as I threw back my blankets, "Oh, this can't be good." Poor cat was squished on a shelf on top of our hand towels. Sam had surrounded her with large bath towels so she was trapped.

Me: "Sam, why is there water all over the floor?"

Sam: "I was giving Jennie's head a bath."

I'm surprised that cat hasn't run away by now.

Boxing Helena?

If you've seen the movie you'll get the reference. Dave and I have made up a little game. We hide body parts in places for the other to discover. I found the severed head of a turtle in my Advil. Dave's discovered miniature amputated limbs in his peanut butter. I'm surprised this kind of thing doesn't happen more often with three big dogs and all the toys we have laying around.

This Morning

Moments like this make the days I want to tear my hair out worth it.